Ch.35: A life change

Lost in the screams of pain is a chapter story,
All the stories are about fragments out of Zuko's and Iroh's lives.

This story happens after and during [Book 2, ep. 01: The Avatar state and ep. 02: The cave of two lovers].

Prince Zuko and his uncle Iroh needs to learn to life into the wild. This was harder than expected!

Iroh is sixty-five,
Zuko is sixteen,
Song is fifteen.


Lost in the screams of pain,
Chapter 35: A life change.


As members of the Royal Family, Zuko and Iroh were spoiled and used to luxury. They had never cooked one single meal in their lives; they had never slept into the wild, never hunted for some food but now, they were forced to.

They had slept in a forest for one week now and it was very difficult for both of them. Even Iroh had a hard time with it but he tried hard to hide his frustrations. He glared into the river and licked his lips at the sight of some huge fishes that swam in it. The old man held his hand on his tummy, he was starving right now. He hadn't eaten a proper meal this week.

Zuko stood next to the man and held his spear into his hands. He had made it yesterday for hunting.

"Take the big one…" The old man advised.

The young man tried to focus on the big yellow fish; he held his spear up and threw it. The old man dropped himself into the grass. "No! Aaargh NO!!"

Zuko sighed indignant and ashamed. "I-I got a little one?"

"You can hit the dwarf fish and not the giant one!" Iroh replied impatient while he held his other angry words inside. The retired General gritted his teeth; it felt like the old Iroh came above for a moment. He closed his eyes and tried to stay wise, and focused but that wasn't easy at this moment. He wanted to shout, he had enough of this! This whole week was a true nightmare!! He wanted to yell: <How stupid can you be?!>

But this boy didn't need this and it wasn't his fault. Iroh had tried to fish earlier today, he didn't even catch a small one! Zuko came with the idea of the spear, he tried hard to survive.

"Zuko? I'll sit over there!" Iroh pointed towards an open field. "I want to be alone for a bit, okay?"

The boy looked over to his uncle with concern. "Okay! Do you feel alright, uncle?"

"I'm just tired..." The old man tried to smile. He didn't knew what it was; he was so nervous and couldn't stand this anyone. He wanted to be alone, he wanted total silence.


Some moments later

Zuko was still fishing; he was concentrated on the water. The boy fallowed the fishes and tried to stay calm. The boy understood his uncle for a moment; Zuko had these feelings all the time! So, he had respect for his uncle and he wanted to please him.

He lowered his head over the river and stuck his tongue a little bit out of his mouth. Zuko smashed the spear into the water and he had caught his first fish. The boy smiled widely at it, he was even bigger than the yellow one! He slapped the fish's onto the ground and waited until it didn't move anymore; he took his knife and cut the fish his head off.

Zuko felt so proud inside, he glared over towards his uncle. The man was sleeping against a tree. <Should I surprise him?> The young boy stood up and came closer toward his uncle. He crouched and shook at his Iroh's arm, tried to wake him. Iroh opened an eye, he was clearly annoyed.

"What is it now?" It felt like his chest filled with fire, he was angry, irritated and tensed. He wanted to explode, Iroh couldn't think for a moment it was like his animal instinct took over.

Zuko stared unsure, this wasn't his uncle. "I--- Euhm I've …" The boy stuttered as he looked at the ground.

Iroh smirked. "WHAT? What have you?"

Zuko's eyes widened. "I'm going back to the river, --- I think…." He whispered, didn't want to argue.

"You think…? Oh Agni, what is it? You need me again, little brat?" The man shouted out.

<Brat? BRAT?> Zuko looked up furious. "WHAT?! Listen to Me, I don't need YOU!  You wastrel."

Iroh's eye sharpened, he listened carefully. His body had burst open as a volcano.  "Don't call me a wastrel, young man!"

The boy was out of control, he was sick of this. He pointed at Iroh, didn't care anymore. "I've no right to call you that? Everyone laughs with you! You know the whole Fire Nation laughs with your lost battle at Ba-Sing-Se!" The boy his voice echoed through the woods.  "Hah, --- and that you're the cause of Lu Tens dead." The boy's head became red from anger.

Iroh stood up, he stared at the boy. His head tinted dark red, his fists began to shake. Zuko's body shocked. He had never seen his uncle's body language like this; he knew that this man would attack. The boy took several steps back, Iroh followed him. Zuko turned around and ran as fast as he could towards the river. "Ahhh, No!! Don't!!!! You're not yourself anymore!"

Iroh growled and ran after his nephew. He didn't think at this moment, he just ran. Zuko had turned his body and tried to stop his uncle at the river. The old man jumped on his boy, Zuko fell half into the water with an impact.

Uncle Iroh sat on the boy and glared next to him. He noticed the huge fish; it lay neat on a rag. The man looked beneath him, he saw a young boy who was in panic. His head and shoulders lay into the water. <Eugh? What? Why?> Iroh thought, he was now fully aware of what he had done. He stood up and reached his hand toward the boy.

The boy covered his face with his arms, he breathed quickly.

"I --- I'm sorry, nephew." Iroh mumbled with compassion. He came closer and took his boy into his arms. "I – I don't know what happened." The man looked down, he was ashamed.

The boy shook his head in his uncle's chest. Iroh laid his hand on the boy's head, he should have know better. <This was a child out of abuse... He didn't need violence from me, someone he trusts.>

"I don't know why I did this?" Iroh whispered.

Zuko cried from panic. He wasn't mad or scared but he hated these sorts of situations.

"I know your past, Zuko and I regret my words and acts." The man replied emotional.

"Nobody knows my past!" Zuko yelled out.

"Yes I do… I know what Ozai did to you." The older man replied calmly.

The boy shook his head. "My father never punished me!"

"Don't lie to me, nephew. I've seen the black marks on your back, my dear. I've seen my brother doing things to you."

Zuko rested his head on Iroh's chest; he knew that he couldn't talk himself out of this anymore. "I don't want to talk about it now." The boy whispered.

"You can talk to me about it, when the time is ripe…" Iroh whispered while he rubbed the boys back.

"Okay, --- You,… Euhm. What you did…. I understand…" The boy replied compassionate, tried to change the subject.

"What?"

"You where tensed because, you're out of your comfort zone."

Iroh frowned. "Explain?!"

"Well, after my banishment…. I was out of my comfort zone… So I was more tensed, aggressive and scared. You've traveled over the world many times before but you've never been dropped as an outlaw, like now." Zuko hugged the man. "So, I understand."

The man smiled, laid his hand on the boy's wet and very short hair. "You're a smart boy!"

"And … I've catch a fish!" The boy smiled back.

"I've seen, you're a better hunter then me!" The old man took the fish. "Can I prepare it?"

"Of course! I would not want it otherwise."

Iroh thought about what had happened, he had regret. The man didn't understood why he had done this.


The next day

The campfire extinguished progressively as the daylight entered through the leaves. Zuko sat against a tree, his guard time was over. He leaned back against the tree struck and stretched his arms. The boy yawned heavily and crept towards his uncle.

"It's time. The sun is already up!"

Iroh rubbed heavily in his tired eyes. "Yeah, good morning…" The man sat up and moaned a bit, his back was broken.

"Are you okay?" Zuko whispered while he helped his uncle up.

"My bones have to get used to these conditions but don't worry, it will get better!"

The young boy bit on his lip and glared over the environment. They were close at a small city and they needed new supplies. His uncle was an older man, he needed better life conditions. Zuko turned his head at his uncle and hesitated. He wanted to offer him some extras but he knew that this was wrong.

"We need other clothes…" The boy replied instead.

Iroh tugged his beard; he knew that their clothes were too remarkably and too dangerous. "I know but…"

Zuko interrupted, he had a little plan. "I can look for some!"  

The two men had an agreement. Iroh stayed where he was and his nephew went to the small village, to search some new clothes. Zuko ran fast through the woods and entered the village, it was still early in the morning and there were already a few people present.

Zuko crept along a narrow street and waited, he observed the village. He noticed a small grocery shop, it seemed very interesting. Next to the shop was an old laundry place. The boy smiled and prepared himself, he waited until his situation was safe.

He ran at the after side of the laundry place and opened the backdoor. The adrenaline flew through his body. The chance of being caught was huge; he glared around and took action. Zuko was fast, like he was as the blue spirit but now he did something that wasn't allowed. He stole clothes, blankets and a bag.

Zuko hung the bag around his shoulder and slipped outside. His coast was clear, the boy stopped before the grocery shop and smiled. He crawled through the window and entered the shop. The teenager crept and tried to be as silence as he could.

He grabbed an ugly brown tea jar, some fruit and he stopped. Zuko swallowed heavily as he noticed the money box. The boy opened the box and counted five silver counts, he gritted his teeth. Zuko needed it, he needed money but these people were so poor.

The banished Prince closed the box, he couldn't take it. Stealing money was one of the worst crimes in his homeland. Zuko rushed outside and ran towards the woods. It felt good to have something new.

"I've the clothes!" The boy replied.

Iroh glared up with surprise. "You're sure that nobody noticed you?"

"Hey, of course not!"

Iroh opened the back and noticed their new supplies. He smiled at the tea jar and blankets, he needed them, he had missed them so badly. "You did a great job, nephew!"


A few days later

Several days had passed; the two refugees were still hiding in the forest. Zuko looked for something to eat while his uncle Iroh was looking for something drinkable. He needed his portion of tea; the man glared over the flowers and herbs but didn't found something interesting.

He crept through some bushes and noticed an open spot. "AAAH!!!! That's interesting." The man kneeled before a pretty white, red flower. "Hmmmm?"

Iroh thought deep about this plant, he was almost sure what it was. The man was so concentrated that he didn't hear his young nephew behind him.

Zuko crept out of the bushes with some frustration. "I didn't find anything to eat!! I can't live like this. I wasn't meant to be a fugitive." The boy kicked at the ground angrily. "This -- this is impossible!"

Uncle ignored Zuko's bad behavior and sniffed at the flower.

The young boy frowned and became calm. "Uncle… what are you doing?"

"You're looking at the rare white dragon bush. Its leaves make a tea so delicious it's heartbreaking! ---- That, or it's the white jade bush, which is poisonous."

"Eurg, we need food, not tea. I'm going fishing!"

He was still contemplating and stroking his chin "Hmmm? Delectable tea? Or deadly poison?" Iroh glared around him, curiosity filled his body. "Why not? It is fifty percent success rate, that's worth for tea!"

The man plucked the pretty flower and brewed his well-deserved tea. He drank it with taste and rested against a tree. Iroh smiled widely, he had so missed this. He sighed deep and enjoyed this moment, the forest was beautiful. Many animals inhabiting this forest, a truly lovely experience.

"Cough, cough, cough." Iroh grabbed his chest for a moment. He gets it difficult to breath, his windpipe constricted. The retired General was wise enough to know that he had to stay calm, he kneeled and waited patiently.

"Uncle?"

"Zuko, you remember that plant that I thought might be tea…"

The boy knew what it was, his uncle did it again. The man was too curious. "Oh, no you didn't!"

"I did." Iroh turned around to reveal his red, swollen face. "And it wasn't…"

"Yah!" Zuko shocked, he didn't thought it was so serious.

"When the rash spreads to my throat I will stop breathing." The man replied calmly while he scratched. "But look what I found! These are bacui berries, known to cure the poison of the white jade plant. That, or macahoni berries that cause blindness…"

Zuko rolled his eyes <Can our situation get any worse? >"Eurh, Uncle? We're not taking any more chances with these plants! We need to get some help."

"But where are we going to go? we're enemies of the Earth Kingdom, and fugitives from the Fire Nation!"

"If the Earth Kingdom discovers us, … they'll have us killed."

Iroh nodded. "But if the Fire Nation discovers us, we'll be turned over to Azula."


<Azula or the Earth Kingdom?> Zuko glared around. <I'm not ready to face Azula. We stand no change… The Earth Kingdom was the lesser of two bad options.>

"Earth Kingdom it is!"

Zuko ran to his bags and took their extra clothes out of them; the boy had stolen them yesterday. They disguised themselves as real Earth Kingdom citizens and headed into a village. Uncle's body had started too swollen, that wasn't a good sign. The young boy took Iroh by his arm and rushed to a little hospital. Zuko glared at the hospital and felt unsure, he no other option. <They can help uncle here, but what if they found out?>

He inhaled deep and entered the place. Zuko noticed a young nurse at the reception; he glared next to him, to his uncle. "Okay, you know what to do?" He whispered.

Iroh couldn't help but grinned. "Of course, I'll behave in the presence of a pretty nurse!"

The boy gave his uncle an irritated look; he took some steps closer and prepared to speak. "Excuse me? Euhm… Can you help us?"

The young nurse smiled and came closer. "Certainly!" She frowned at the sight of the old man, who was covered with a red rash and who was swollen. "Come sir, I'll help you."

"What happened, sir? An allergy?"

"Euhm, not that I know… I made tea." The old man glared at the ground while he walked.

Zuko rolled his eyes. "He made tea of the White jade!"

The young nurse couldn't believe her ears. "That wasn't smart…" She replied with a hesitation while she pointed at Iroh's seat. Iroh sat down on a table and enjoyed the feeling of the fresh clay on his itchy body.

Zuko sat behind the young woman while he glared at the floor. There hung a silence for a while, Zuko didn't trust this situation. This was very risky and dangerous. Iroh didn't think about the risks, he observed the girl. She was pretty and sweet.

The young girl herself felt unsure. She wanted to know more about these two strangers, the youngest seemed interesting. He looked good, mysterious. The nurse peaked behind her, the boy didn't noticed her. She started to smile, he felt familiar.

The old man smirks by seeing her interest in his nephew.

"You two must not be from around here. We know better than to touch the white jade, much less make it into tea and drink it."

"Heh heh heh. Whoops!" Iroh replied sheepishly.

"So where are you traveling from?"

Zuko stood up and talked quickly. "Yes, euhm we're travelers."

Iroh peaked from behind the nurse. <Zuko??? Be calm!>

"Do you have names?"

Zuko glared with hesitation, he wasn't a good liar. "Euhm,… Names?? Of course we have names! I'm…? Lee! And this is my uncle, uh… Mushi?"

<Mushi? What?> The man couldn't accept that name, he decide to take revenge. "Yes, my nephew was named after his father, so we just call him Junior."

Zuko balled his fists and made angry faces at his uncle. <JUNIOR, I'm not my father!"

"Mushi and Junior, huh? My name is Song. You two look like you could use a good meal. Why don't you stay for dinner?"

"Sorry, but we need to be moving on."

Iroh frowned at his nephew. <Come on Zuko! Free food?! Don't you see she's interested in you?>

"That's too bad. My mom always makes too much roast duck."

The old man rushed himself, tried to safe this situation. "Where do you live, exactly?"

"Just across the bridge! I need to work, so I'll see you this evening!" The girl replied enthusiast.

Iroh bowed before the nurse and walked with his nephew to the central hall. He sat down and smiled at his tensed nephew.

"Are you crazy? Do you realize how dangerous this is?" The boy whispered.

The old man shook his head. "I know, Zuko but we're hungry! We need a good meal! And she won't be a problem…"

"How can you say that? You don't know her!"

"Uhu, but she likes you… so, she won't harm us." The old man winked.

The young boy stood up. "What? She doesn't like me…"

"Oww, yes she is!"


That evening.

The two Fire Nation exiles enjoyed their fist Earth Kingdom meal. Zuko had promised himself to keep a low profile and to get out of there as quickly as possible. Iroh on the contrary enjoyed this evening with his new friends.

Song's Mother placed herself at the table. "My daughter tells me you're refugees. We were once refugees ourselves."

Iroh looked up with a false surprise. "Really?"

"Yes, when I was a little girl, the Fire Nation raided our farming village. All the men were taken away. That was the last time I saw my father."

Zuko's lowered his gaze. <Father? Huh, my father exiled me… I didn't see him for three years, I'll never see him again.>

The young girl had noticed Lee's expression. "I'm sorry… Is something wrong?"

"Nothing." Zuko turned his gaze to the other side. "I haven't seen my father in many years."

"Oh. Is he fighting in the war?"

Iroh widened his eyes, tried to finish the slurping of the noodles. He glared with some trepidation at his nephew, tried to see how he will answer this dangerous question. Zuko had put his bowl on the table. The thought made him sick inside.

"Yeah..." He looked away. <I can't sit here and eat their food? My father, my nation took their loves ones away.>

Zuko stood up. "I'm not hungry…" He went outside to think.

Iroh knew what it was, the guilt. He smiled at the older lady, who had cooked the meal for them. "His father is a sensitive issue; we fear that he is deceased. Lee doesn't realize that…" The man whispered.

The mother gave Mushi a sad expression of understanding. Song stood up and walked outside. She wanted to speak with him, alone.

"Can I join you? I know what you've been through. We've all been through it. The Fire Nation has hurt you."

She reached out to touch his scar. Zuko peaked and couldn't believe what she tried to do. Touch him?  He grabbed her hand without looking at her. <Nobody touches my face…>

"It's okay. They've hurt me, too."

The young boy glared next to him, noticed the scars on her leg. Burn marks, from fire bending. <What have we done…? This girl… meant no harm, yet she has suffered. She --- she's sweet. I--- No! Stop it! I'm getting soft! Coming here was a bad idea!"

He didn't know how to respond; he stood up and took his coat. Iroh stood up and knew that it was time. They left Song's house.

"Thank you for the duck. It was excellent."

"You're welcome." The older lady handed him a package, some leftovers of the roast duck. "It brings me joy to see someone eat my cooking with such… gusto."
Iroh smiled and patted his stomach. "Much practice."

Zuko had enough of this, he turned to leave.

"Junior, where are your manners? You need to thank these nice people."


Zuko turned and offered a small bow. "Thank you."

Song frowned and knew what his problems were. " I know you don't think there's any hope left in the world, but there is hope. The Avatar has returned!"

<How dare she? Why can't she leave me alone? I don't need her feeling sorry for me! > Zuko gritted his teeth. "I know." He walked further and noticed a stable, with a war ostrich in it. Zuko stopped and glared at the animal, he needed it. He glared back at the courtyard and released the ostrich.

"What are you doing? These people just showed you great kindness."

"They're about to show us a little more kindness. They just don't know it yet." Zuko frowned at his uncle, didn't understand why he hesitated. <We are Fire Nation! We take what we need and don't look back…"

"Well??" He offered his uncle a hand and waited.

Uncle Iroh looked down, he felt unhappy with how this evening had turned. Zuko and his uncle rode away on their new ostrich. Zuko grinned. <Good, we can finally leave! Good riddance.>